The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus

So I have been reading this book by Brennan Manning for sometime now. I seem to read it over and over. I am not really a big book reader, but this book I just love. To me it really showed me how God really is and how much He loves. That it's not about anything I can do or say or be...it's about who He is. He is love.

I think about how much I love my girls and what a joy they are to me. Everyday they do something that just makes my heart jump. They smile at me, and I know they love me. They don't need any reason to love me. They love me because I am their mom. And I don't need any reason to love them. They are my children. I think about God...how I have always needed some reason for Him to love me. I've always thought if I could just do one more thing, maybe that would win His love. If only I would have been better this week and wouldn't have sinned so much He would love me more. I strive to be perfect in His eyes, but the truth is I am never going to be perfect. I can never win His love. He simply loves me because I am His child. He knows that I am a sinner, He knows that I am not perfect. And yet He has loved me this whole time regardless of all my faults.

Lately I have really been seeing God in a different way. Much different that I saw Him when I was a child or a teenager. He's no longer that angry God who I need to earn His love. He is love.

What's the chance?

Today at church a lady gave a testimony. Last week she was talking about this lady who cut in front of her at the store and how she went off on this lady. She really thought this lady was wrong in what she did and she really let her know it!

She said this last week she felt like God was really talking to her and telling her she needed to apologise. That it wasn't about if the lady did something wrong or not it was about how she reacted and treated the lady. Was it the way God would have dealt with it. Not that we can be like God...we can't be perfect. But sometimes we need to put aside our emotions and show the love of Christ.

Anyway she told God...I will tell her I am sorry the next time I see her. So here we are...we live in LA what are the chances that she will see this lady ever again. But she did at her clinic. But she felt like it wasn't the right time. Then again she saw her...but she didn't think it was the right time. She thought ok next time for sure I will do it. All the time thinking in the back of her head that she would never see her again. But there she was. So she said "Hey I want to talk to you." But the lady didn't stop. She said "I want to say I am sorry." So the lady stopped. She said "I'm a Christian, which doesn't mean I am perfect, but I am forgiven. And I want to say I am sorry."

What a humbling story. I will think of this every time I have a bad attitude about someone in a store who wrongs me. Ok...even if I am not in the store!

Do you ever feel like me?

Do you ever feel like your life is falling apart? I know that sounds like my life must really be terrible...but it's really not. This last week or so has been hard for us. Having three sick girls and then being sick myself and then having a terrible headache (Headaches are not good when you have sick whining girls) and then being emotional and pregnant. Seems like a lot for me right now. I love everything about being pregnant. Maybe that is why I have been pregnant for half of our marriage. But when you get sick and your kids are sick it just feels like too much. I normally can handle being emotional...not sure Darrel always can. :)

But I was thinking today about how when I get to this point when I feel so overwhelmed...that's when I break down and get on my knees and cry out to God. But I started thinking today why don't I just cry out to God anyway when things aren't going wrong? Why do I always wait until things pile up on top of me? He always comes through for me in so many different ways, so why is it always my last resort? Seems like this is a habit I have had all my life and seems like a habit a lot of people have. We always wait to go to God until we think our life is falling apart. I wonder how much pain, heartache and trouble I could have avoided if I would have just gone to God in the first place. Probably a lot. I guess I will never know. But I want to make an effort to just go to God daily with my problems and everything else.

I have always loved Jeremiah 29:11. But lately I have been loving the two verses after that...

Jer 29:12-13
In those days when you pray, I will listen.
If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.

He's there for us. If we pray to Him, He will listen. If we look for Him we will find Him. What a great thing to know. Now I just need to practice that!

Seasons?

Is it true that we are only in a place for a time or for a season? Does God call us to do something just for a bit of time? My life seems so crazy to some and I agree that my life is a little crazy at times. We seem to have moved more in the last four years than I did the whole time I was growing up. But we have felt so called to one place...we have felt called to Asia, but yet it feels like we are never going to get back there. Is it that we aren't trying hard enough to get back? Is it that God has something different for us to do now? It's so hard to ignore the call we felt from him. If it is that God has something different for us to do I wish that we could understand it. I wish we knew what it was.

I ask that you guys pray for us that we really understand what God has for us. That we know what our next step really should be.

The weekend of sickenss!

One thing that get really frustrating is that one kids will get sick and then the next in a few days and then the next a few days after that. And then eventually one of us will get sick. Just happens to be me this time! GREAT! I hate being sick, and on top of that I will have some morning sickness with it. Not fun!

I am so lucky to have a great husband who let me sleep in today then got the girls dressed and took them to church so I could rest. I think I slept more today than I normally do at night. I guess that isn't really saying alot since I don't sleep a whole lot at night anyway. But today has been a good day of rest and football!

Psalms 127:3

Psa 127:3 Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.

After we found out we were having our third baby we had some people say a few things to us. Mostly they just asked if we were done having kids. Not a bad thing to ask people just want to no. We always said we were not sure. Which for us was the best answer we could give. But oh my now that we are having our 4th child the comments come even stronger. People say what they really meant to say before. People think we are pretty crazy and can't believe we would even think of having more than 3. Four kids we must just be crazy. People have asked everything from "Are you ok with this?" to "Do you know what your getting into?" and I also had someone at a doctors office ask me if I wanted to know what my options are! Are you for real people? The one that gets me the most is "Do you know what birth control is?" Just to let you know I've been on that....know what happen...you guessed it I got pregnant anyway! We made the choice a while ago just to put it in Gods hands. I believe that he will give us wisdom when we have gotten as far as we should go. To us Children are a blessing and really that's what God meant them to be. It seems we have gone to far in this direction that kids are a bother to our lives. That they make life more complicated. To me they make my life richer. To think that God has given me these little ones to love and teach and guide in the right direction. What a huge honor that is! I think what makes me most sad about all the comments is that they mainly come from Christians. The non-Christians are the ones who seem to be most excited for us. It all seems to backwards to me. I know that this may just seem like I am complaining. But really I just want it to be known that I love my children and to me everyone of them is a blessing!

Louder Than Before

A few months ago Darrel and I took two girls from the Church to Six Flags to see Jeremy Camp and Thousand Foot Crutch. What an amazing time. My heart was so excited to see how the girls really responded well to the message that Jeremy Camp gave. He was talking about his new album that was coming out called Speaking Louder Than Before. Say that alot of times people say that actions speak louder than words, but just think if you put words with those actions how much louder they would speak. It was such a great time. And I am now thinking about the songs on his new album and they have inspired me to be louder than before. So there is the name of my blog and the story behind it.