Has the church hurt you?

I am wanting to know if the church has ever hurt you. It can be a specific church (Please don't share the name of the church) or just Christians in general. Feel free to share as much as you want.

Unknown

It's really unknown what to title this entry, cause I really don't know how to put into a short title a sum of all my thoughts. I just feel so tightly strung right now. Like at any moment I am going to break and blow up on someone. It's just frustrating when people think you have nothing else to do but do what they want you to do. They ask you to do something and then when you say no they take it personally and get upset with you. Sorry I have lots to do and other responsabilities besides you!

It's really times like this that I let myself get way too stressed out! And then the problem with that is I start to let things seep in that shouldn't even be around. I let my past start to come back and give me a hard time. I start to hear all of those negative things about me. I hear that I am worthless and not  beautiful. I hear that I am fat and way to overwieght. I start to wonder if I am doing a terrible job of parenting my girls and raising them to be women of God. I start to doubt everything I do. I have a great husband who tells me the opposite of all of this. A great husband who encourages me to keep up with what I am doing. That I am worth everything...but most of all he reminds me that I have a Saviour who thinks even greater things about me. One who loves me not matter what. He knows all my past and present mistakes and yet His love is unchanged. What did I do to deserve such a great Saviour? And I remind myself I did nothing to deserve His love. "It is by grace I have been saved thorough faith, not by works so that no man can boast." Ephs 2:8 & 9

I think of a song that I was taught when I was in high school and it made such an impact on my life. It's called Your Beloved and it meant so much to me:

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

This song spoke to my heart so much about who I was to God, and really in the end he is the only one who matters! His opinion of me is the only one that should matter to me. What others think or thought of me should not bother me and should not ruin a perfectly good day. I hope that my thoughts made sense to some of you. Sometimes I am never sure if my thoughts make any sense.

Back in Iowa

It's strange to me that I am back in my hometown. It's so different from the big city but I am getting use to it. There are some things that I really like about small towns, and there are some things I can't stand...but it's the same with the big city. My favorite thing right now is watching people as they go by and just look at us wondering who has moved into town. They slow WAY down in their cars just to get a good look at what is going on. It is really nice though to live right next to the park. Really we can't get any closer to it and the girls love going over to the park to play everyday!

Life is just a little different here. You stop for everyone you know to talk about nothing really. You wave to people as you pass them in your car even though you have no idea who they are. You are interested in what everyone is doing and where they are going. Really everyone is just in you business. It will be interesting to see how things go from here!

I know I just posted...

But I really wanted to share this funny story with you. This morning my oldest was pretending to be pregnant. She said she had two babies a boy and a girl. The girls name was Jadelyn (Of course) and the boys name was Dr. Impertinence!!!! How does she even know that word?? She said he was going to grow up to be a dr!!!

The joy of singing...

There is nothing I really find more enjoyable then just taking time to sit and sing worship songs. I can remember from the time I was a little girl singing was always my favorite part of church. My favorite part of school. My favorite part of life. A lot of my life has been devoted to music, it was a passion that my mom taught me. Now I may not be the best singer or guitar player in the world, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I am taking the time to spend with God. I know some of you who read this may not understand my passion for worship, you may never have experienced worship like I have, but it's one of the most peaceful and fulfilling times of my life. And day after day I am seeing how it is effecting my girls. Last Sunday in church while I was leading worship my daughters were singing their hearts out. They were truly enjoying their time. Then this morning as I was practicing for worship my oldest came over to me and just started singing the song Enough with me. Sometimes I wonder if they really understand the songs or if they really understand worship. Other times I don't question it at all. They know who God is and they know what it means to worship. It's just something that really makes my heart sing.

I am so tired

So I may be tired for all the obvious reasons. Taking care of 3 girls who are 4, 2, and 1...being pregnant with my 4th little girl....trying to pack everything up so we can leave on Monday...At the end of my day I just feel like I don't have anything left.

But more than feeling physically tired I am so emotionally and spiritually tired. I just don't know how to explain it all. Those are my days now, not really knowing how to explain my thoughts and feeling very well. It's like my brain is one big skillet of scrambled eggs. But don't worry they are the good kind of scrambled eggs with ham and cheese lots of salt and pepper. Ok...now that I have attempted to be funny...

It's like these days all I can really manage to do is take care of what really needs to be taken care of. My family. Trying to hold a conversation about anything just makes my head hurt, gets me irritated and my poor husband has gotten my emotional outburst more than once. It's really not fair to him. But I just get to a point where I can't really think or get my thoughts together in a nice way so I just tend to blow. It's not like I am even blowing up for any good reason....I just can't handle conversations right now.

Honestly I can't wait until the packing is done, the long car trip to Iowa is over, and I am feeling a whole lot better. I just hope I can stay a bit chipper for the trip and make it fun for everyone....otherwise it's going to be a miserable trip with three cranky kids, one cranky pregnant mom and a dad who won't be able to keep everyone happy! Please pray for us! Maybe it would be best to pray especially for Darrel!