Thursday, April 23, 2009


It's really unknown what to title this entry, cause I really don't know how to put into a short title a sum of all my thoughts. I just feel so tightly strung right now. Like at any moment I am going to break and blow up on someone. It's just frustrating when people think you have nothing else to do but do what they want you to do. They ask you to do something and then when you say no they take it personally and get upset with you. Sorry I have lots to do and other responsabilities besides you!

It's really times like this that I let myself get way too stressed out! And then the problem with that is I start to let things seep in that shouldn't even be around. I let my past start to come back and give me a hard time. I start to hear all of those negative things about me. I hear that I am worthless and not  beautiful. I hear that I am fat and way to overwieght. I start to wonder if I am doing a terrible job of parenting my girls and raising them to be women of God. I start to doubt everything I do. I have a great husband who tells me the opposite of all of this. A great husband who encourages me to keep up with what I am doing. That I am worth everything...but most of all he reminds me that I have a Saviour who thinks even greater things about me. One who loves me not matter what. He knows all my past and present mistakes and yet His love is unchanged. What did I do to deserve such a great Saviour? And I remind myself I did nothing to deserve His love. "It is by grace I have been saved thorough faith, not by works so that no man can boast." Ephs 2:8 & 9

I think of a song that I was taught when I was in high school and it made such an impact on my life. It's called Your Beloved and it meant so much to me:

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

This song spoke to my heart so much about who I was to God, and really in the end he is the only one who matters! His opinion of me is the only one that should matter to me. What others think or thought of me should not bother me and should not ruin a perfectly good day. I hope that my thoughts made sense to some of you. Sometimes I am never sure if my thoughts make any sense.

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