Sunday, November 15, 2009

New Blog

I am starting a new blog at wordpress. It seems to fit me better and it works better with my offline program that I use to blog with. So my new blog is


Friday, November 6, 2009

Rock That Flower (Giveaway!)

I want to introduce you to my new baby!
My four little girls have inspired me to do all things girly! They love hats and flowers and I love to get them all dolled up in these things. So I have started my own little line of my own.
Girly hats! Girly headbands! And soon to come....Girly scarves!
And they all come with detachable flowers!
Mix and Match with your girl's favorite outfits!
Hats $20
Headbands $10
Additional Flowers $5
I am so excited about my new project that I am giving one lucky reader a free headband with a flower of their choice! You have till Thursday Nov. 12th to get in on this.
Just leave a comment and tell me what two colors you would want a flower in if you won!
Ready! Set! Go!

Can they really do that?

So I was listening to NPR news this morning. They had a story about that Morman sect that had a raid at their ranch. A few of the leaders were arrested and charges were brought against some of them for different reasons. Well this week one of the men was convicted with child sexual abuse, which I think is very fair. He had a "religious marriage" to a 15 year old girl. That just boggles my mind. Now they are charging him with bigamy. Now let me set something straight here...I do not think these people are living right. I think that the practice of marrying young girls is wrong and terrible. I aso believe that having more than one wife is wrong...but here is my thought....

How can they charge him with bigamy? Acording to the law he was really only married to one woman. He didn't try and put in marriage license for more than one marriage. He was only "married" to more than one through the church. And if we really have separation between church and state can they really count those as marriages?

How are they any different than a man who cheats on his wife? Or from people who have more than one sex partner? I just don't get this law. It seems to be a bit hipocritical.... I think if they are going to charge these men with bigamy then we need to start charging people who sleep with more than one person at a time...espcially those who do it while they are married. Don't get it. Don't think I ever will. But just thought I would say what I was thinking.

But I must end it with this. I am glad I serve the Lord! I am glad that I don't have to tie myself down with laws and rules that are not put on us by Christ. I serve a GREAT GOD!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Book Review: 5 Cities that Ruled the World

I am not sure how to begin this review. 5 Cities that Ruled the World is basicly a history book about Jerusalem, Athens, Rome, London and New York. It basicly goes to the start of each city and how the city was, is and will be important in our history. It's filled with facts and interesting sotries. If you are a history buff you will love this book.

For me I have to say I was not interested in this book. It had way too much information about each city and the author was hard to follow where he was going at times. I found myself reading parts over and over again just trying to figure it all out. I love history, but this was a bit too much for me. It felt like the book just kept rambling on and on, which it kind of did. There were parts of the books I loved. Some stories I just really loved to read. But really I ended up falling asleep way too much while reading this book! I would recomend this book if you love facts and lots of information. But if you are looking for a book to entertain you, I just don't think this is it!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Book Review: Redefining Beautiful


Redefining Beautiful
what God sees when God sees You
By Jenna Lucado

This is a wonderful book for teenage girls. It's filled with beauty tips, everything from the many uses of vaseline and tips on making modest the hottest to the importance of forgiveness and inner beauty. The book really all comes down to one point, our earthly fathers have a lot to do with how we relate to people. Not just our friends, but also strangers and even the way we see God. Every father has his flaws and no father is perfect except for one, God. He is our perfect Father and there is so much we can learn from Him.

This book brought up an issue that I have hear about a lot, but maybe many people haven't. That depending on how our dads are depends on how well we relate to boyfriends, friends, family, stranger, authority figures and to God. I think it's an issue every girl should be aware of. She had a great way of being able to understand and relate to teenagers. Giving them great beauty tips all keeping in mind that we should be modest and not cause others to stumble.

The part of the book I found the best was the life accessories. There are many material accessories that we can't live without. Lipstick, face powder, hair bows. For each person the accessories are different. But there are other accessories that we shouldn't be without. Security, Identity, value, love, self-control, peace, joy and contentment. She had wonderful stories and examples of how to have these in our lives. It was also set up with areas where girls can feel a part of the book and write in their answers to questions she asks. It was really well done and I would recommend this book to all teenage girls...even their moms.

At first I was really excited that her dad Max Lucado was helping write the book. But then I started getting distracted with how is input was added in the book. Always with a title that said "A not from Max" in a little box of it's own. But then I started to like this. It helped us know what input was coming from a father and is perspective on it.


Friday, October 16, 2009

Do you wonder about me?

Last night I started writing a blog titled was about how my baby was screaming her head off for two hours, but now that she is cooing happily it doesn't seem right to publish it!

So instead I will write about what many people want to hear about...ME! OK. Not really but kind of...

I love all the well meaning people who say "My you have your hands full!" The funny thing is I only have two of my kids with me when most people say this. It seems like when I have all four of them with me they don't have the courage to say anything. Maybe it's because I look like I will bite the head off of anyone who might try and say a smart comment about having my hands full or being so brave. Honestly I don't consider myself brave at all. In fact sometimes I wonder why God would have given these children to me. I am so incapable. I don't have the patience for them all. I don't have enough love for them all. I don't have enough time for them all. I guess that's just it...I don't have enough of anything, but with God I have enough of everything.

I know sometimes people might be worried about me. Worried that I am running myself ragged with having so many kids (It's interesting to me that having 4 kids makes you a large family!) all so close in age...and still myself being so young. The truth...I am running myself ragged sometimes, but those are the times when I am not trusting in the fact that God knows what he is doing. We didn't plan for any of our kids...I am not saying that we didn't want them...we love all of them so much! But we were at times taking measures to not have kids. And what happen each time we still had a kid. Does that tell you something? It tells me something...God wanted us to have all of our girls at the time that we had them. So yes there is 20 months or less between our kids and we didn't plan it that way, but God did.

To answer the question that always comes after telling people that yes they are all mine, yes they are all close in age and no we were not trying for a boy. Are we going to have more kids? I don't know. I didn't plan on having 4 kids...but I have 4! So I must say if God wants to intrust us with more children I am sure He will, and I am sure I will not be prepared for another one, but God will help me along with that.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

And I'm done.

Have you ever had one of those days where you are just done. Well today I am so done! Tonight was a hard night at bedtime. Mainly because Darrel is working a B shift and I have to do bedtime by myself. Usually the girls are so good about bedtime. But some nights they just love to push it...and especially when Darrel is not home. So I have Jadelyn and Liliana constantly coming out of bed, when they know they will get in trouble...but they do it anyway. I have Scarletta who loves to get out of her bed and knock on her door. Then I had Rayvena who had some crazy gas and couldn't go to sleep until it was out! Let me tell you though it was one big burp and she was out and asleep. But I still had three of them I was fighting with. Well I let Scarletta knock at her door until she got bored of it and went back to her bed. Although I did go in there after she was quiet for sometime...she had fallen asleep under Rayvena's crib. Too funny! I loved it though cause I got to pick her up and cuddle her for a few seconds before I put her back in her bed. I love just being able to hold her sometimes. Something none of my girls get enough of. Jadelyn and Liliana just really tested tonight. I just kept giving them the silent treatment and putting them back in bed. It worked...after about an hour! Now I am just tired. But after a long day of spending my day with kids and not having any me time I don't want to go to bed yet. I want to have time for me. Maybe watch a movie and wait for Darrel to get home. But I am not sure if I can make it. I find myself these past few days almost falling asleep at very bad times...such as while driving. Am I not getting enough sleep? I think I am...since we moved Rayvena into a room with Scarletta I have actually been getting more sleep. Is that the problem? My body has just become so use to so little sleep that now that I am getting more sleep it is having "sleeping attacks". Ok...that that really makes no sense...but hey made me laugh! Sleep is calling me...sleep...sleep...sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Book Review: Voices of the Faithful, Book 2

Voices of the Faithful, Book 2
Beth Moore & Kim P. Davis

This is a daily devotional book, with a daily Bible verse, story from a missionary and prayer. Each month is given it's own theme and each story is a little encouragement or gives you a little push in that direction. At the beginning of each month is a little introduction from the "authors" that get you ready for that months theme.

At first I was a little disappointed with this book. I think it's because I was really looking for something that would take me a little deeper into the Word. Don't take this book as a substitute for studying the Bible. This book would be a great way to start off your day, just spending time reading a story from someone on the field.

I really enjoyed each story, and maybe it's because having lived overseas in the ministry I could really relate to some of what they were going through or had experinced. If you have spent time in missions or not you will enjoy each and every story from these missionaries.

I suggest you grab a cup of coffee and snuggle up in your blanket in the morning and just enjoy reading these stories and then spending some great time with God in prayer afterwards.

What's wrong with my string cheese?

The title of this blog really has nothing to do with what I am writing, but I thought it would grab some people attention. Although I should mention I always do seem to have defective string cheese. The little plastic is always hard to get off! Sigh!

Well I picked up Jadelyn from school yesterday and she was in tears. The teacher was trying to figure out why. Well some boy had yelled at her and hurt her feelings. Jadelyn is very big on the "You hurt my feelings." or "You made my heart sad." Even though she seems like such a strong girl she can have her feelings hurt easily. Well as we were driving home we talked about it a little more. "Morgan told me to scoot in. He used a really mean voice." My eyes opened wide and I said "It was Morgan?" Now you have to know almost everyday Jadelyn comes home talking about Morgan. Morgan this and Morgan that. So my little girl doesn't have any idea about boyfriends and girlfriends, but I have to say she just might have a crush! Darrel and I spent some time talking to her about why Morgan said it in a mean way. Turns out Jadelyn actually hurt his foot when she pushed her chair out. I told Jadelyn she shouldn't be mad at Morgan and she said "I'm not mom. I love Morgan so much! I still love him even though he was mean at me!" Too funny!

So my last post I was extremely frustrated with Jadelyn's school. I am still a bit frustrated, but we may have found the solution. Darrel and I are each going to take a day to help out in the classroom. See how things are going for her. We are starting to do a few things differently at home after school time, and if things don't change by Christmas this is what we will do....
We will send her to a preschool that is only three days a week. Then the other two days we will spend teaching her a home. We will actually do some teaching the other days too. I went to the library the other day and found so many great books to work with. One for reading that will be perfect for Jadelyn! Next year we are pretty sure we will start homeschooling full time. I found a great group of people here who all homeschool their kids and they all get together a lot! That's what I really needed was a group for some support!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Jadelyn & School

I don't want this blog to offend anyone! Jadelyn has had some great teachers and I have some friends who are amazing teachers! So please don't take this badly!

I have been disappointed with Jadelyn's school from day one. First there was the whole issue that we thought she was being made to repeat preschool for no reason. Jadelyn went to preschool last year and she is more than ready to start kinder. The very first day I was so surprised by her attitude. She was snippy and cranky and I just kind of thought maybe it was because she had taken a nap at school. (Sorry, but to me naps at school are a waste of time...and Jadelyn hasn't been taking naps since she was 2). She told me the teacher had to sit a rub her back to put her to sleep. I am wondering why they couldn't just let her lay there with a book or something. Which is sounds like what they have been doing now.

Well Jadelyn's attitude has just been getting worse. She's talking back to me, she's being mean to her sister Liliana and she has stopped listening. Now a lot of you might say that this is just because she is almost 5. That's how 5 year olds are. Sorry...but not mine! Have you ever wondered that maybe the reason some 5 year olds are like this is because they are in school, and maybe in school at a lower level than they should be.

I was sad after the first week when they gave us a sheet that said "Can you believe we did all this?" They did three things a day. Ok maybe they did more, but I was disappointed. Also its sad for me when I ask my daughter what she learned in school today and she says "Nothing new!"

Maybe I just had high expectations for this pre-k since Jadelyn has such a wonderful one last year! Her teachers were amazing and they encouraged Jadelyn in her abilities! Maybe this school hasn't realized Jadelyn's level yet? But...sigh...I remember my home visit I had with the teacher. I was explaining to her some of what Jadelyn was doing. She can count to 100, she can count by 10s, she knows all her letter sounds. And I remember when she asked if there was anything we wanted them to work with Jadelyn on...I said reading. Jadelyn is really starting to read and she will pick up a book and just start reading and then coming and asking for help if she needs it. And yet the whole time I knew the teacher didn't believe me on any of it.

Darrel and I know that we want to homeschool our kids. And we were putting them in preschool to help them socially, but honestly I think it's starting to hurt Jadelyn. She is regressing and starting to act younger. It's so frustrating for me.

This is what really got to me. Jadelyn has been wanting homework. She loves having a little book to bring home and practice works and such...but she always forgets to ask her teacher. Well Jadelyn was so proud of herself today because SHE REMEMBERED!!! She came and told me she remembered to ask for homework and her teacher said she gave her some. Jadelyn said it was called the Family PAT. I get home to find out it was a fund-raiser booklet! Jadelyn was asking me when she was going to do her homework. I told her I would have to make some for her. So I got out her homework book and she worked on some words. But she asked me why I gave her the book from her old school. I told her that her teacher didn't give her homework. She said "Why did she tell me a lie." How sad that my child so badly wants to learn, and yet it feels like no one wants to help her. That all my little girl wants is a paper with some words to practice and the teacher just passes off a fund-raiser has home work.

I am very close to just taking her out of school and starting homeschool now. It frustrating because I spend the time she gets home from school working on her reading and writing, because she doesn't get it at school. So is sending her to school just a waste of time? I think it is!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Please Please PLEASE give my whole family a cold!

That's right. Almost all of us have colds. Four little stuffy noses, four little sore throat, four little fussy kids. And here I am one big stuffy nose, one big sore throat, and one big fussy kid. I think today Darrel is happy to be a work! Not that he would mind taking care of us all...but I think all of our fussing might get to him. But when you think of it what would be better....5 girls at home who are fussy and have colds or 20 teenage girls who aren't happy with anything? I think I might pick the five of us at home. I think by the end of his day he might be wishing he could have called into work sick!

My cold thankfully is not that bad...otherwise I might not be able to function to help my little ones. So since today is sick day, we are going to all cuddle on the couch, watch movies, eat popcorn and have some 7up. Ok not all of us are going to have 7up and popcorn, but those who can will.

Last weekend our family went to family camp. I completly forgot to write about this! We had an awesome time! I didn't really enjoy the ride there and back. We constantly heard "Are we almost to family camp?" "Are we almost home?" "When are we going back to family camp?" And this was a 5 hour trip! The camp was great! It started with a camp fire and bannana boats(not really a fan of mushy!) Then the next day we had pony rides for the girls and trail rides for Darrel and I. The girls were so excited! Liliana who just loves horses would not stop talking about the horse she got to ride. She was a bit sad though because they didn't have any blue horses! Jadelyn and Liliana will be talking about family camp for such a long time...possibly until we go back again! Even though by the end of camp the girls were tired, unhappy, whinning and cry for no apparent reason...we LOVED it! We also ran into a college friend. Very random. She led worship and it was amazing!

Well going to go put a movie in so we sickies can veg on the couch.

Much love

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

2 months

WOW! Can it really be? Can my little girl be two months old already! It seems the time has gone by so fast and I haven't been able to enjoy her sweet little personality! I guess when you get to number 4 the time goes faster and you feel you haven't given her the kind of attention she needs or deserves. But to be honest I think I have done a pretty good job. I think she gets showered with love from all of us. She is a sweet little girls who loves to eat and sleep and loves to be held by her sisters! How sweet!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

When Jesus tells better! I was thinking about how lame it was that my last two blogs were book reviews! How did I not find the time to get on here and blog about my cute kids? Or my fun projects? I don't know...

Well anyway here is a great story for you about how my girls teach me so much! Jadelyn and Liliana (formerly known as Lili...she has know decided she likes Liliana best!) were playing pretend. Jadelyn was being Jesus and Liliana was a lame person.

Jadelyn said "Get up and walk!"
Liliana answers "I can't walk!"
Jadelyn says "When Jesus tells you to get up and walk you better get up and walk!"

WOW! My daughter get it! She understands something that has taken me years to really get. When Jesus tells us to do something we better step out in faith and do it! So many times I don't want to get up, take my mat and walk because I am too scared. I say...but God what if your wrong? What if this won't work? Or I simply say I can't! But this is the faith of a 4 year old...when Jesus says get up and walk you better get up and walk!

Thank you God for giving me such great kids who teach me so much about you!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Book Review: Fearless

Imagine Your Life Without Fear

Max Lucado

Because I am a book blog reviewer for Thomas Nelson I was able to get Max Lucado's new book before it was released. It was an amazing book and you are now actually able to get it. Today is it's release date!!!

There are so many things in todays world that makes us worry. I remember hearing a few months ago that people now worry about more things and more often than they ever use it! We are a society that fears so much. We fear the unknown, we fear for our children, we fear there may not be enough money, we fear for our lives....we fear we are not good enough for God. Max Lucado's book takes all of these and shows us through wonderful stories and God's Word why we should live a fearless life. Jesus called us to fear not and to know that He is with us. What an amazing thing to know that a life with Jesus can be Fearless...we just need to trust.

I loved this book because it really dug into God's word and pointed out so many scriptures about not having fear. Jesus really took our fear seriously. He knew that it was something we struggle with.

At times we feel so insignificant. We feel that everyone else is better than us. But God simply tells us that we matter because He made us. We don't have to fear what others think of us. We only need worry about What God thinks of us. And God thinks love towards us. I may feel like a 5th sparrow at times, but I will always think of how highly God thinks of me.

For me sometimes a worst-case scenario will go through my head. I will just be watching my kids at the park and they will be playing on the slide...then suddenly I will picture one of them falling off and breaking something. I don't really mean to starting thinking about this it just happens. But now when this happens I won't start to jump up and try to prevent something that may never happen from happening...I will remember Lord, help me to fear less and trust You more.

Trusting God is something that  has always been hard for me. It's like a life long lesson that until I get to Heaven I don't think I will really get it. Really if trusting God is something you have difficulty with, this book is one for you to read! I strongly recommend it!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Book Review - She Still Calls Me Daddy

She Still Calls Me Daddy
Building a New Relationship with Your Daughter After You Walk Her Down the Aisle.

By Robert Wolgemuth

First thank you to Thomas Nelson publishing for sending me this book to review. And I know what most of you are thinking...why would I be reading this book none of my girls are anywhere near going down the aisle and I am not their father! That's what I was wondering when I got this book. Why did I choose this one? It turns out however that it was actually a really good choice! My suggestion is that you buy this book if you are a woman about to get married, read it and then give it to your parents to read.

I learned a lot about what he calls the remodeling process. It's great because I can understand this. We are remodeling our home and understand how hard it can be. You get to a certain place and you want to give up.

He is great at giving Biblical examples of both good and bad ways of how your relationship should be after your daughter gets married. For one he gives the example of David's wife and how she was always called Saul's daughter and not David's wife. He mentioned how it should be different because you are giving away your daughter at her wedding and she becomes fully her husbands.

He also goes into how the marriage and letting go of your daughter can be a hard thing on your own marriage. That it's important to take that time to really keep connected with your wife, because really she is probably having a harder time with it.

He talks about how communication with your daughter will look different and how you should stick with up lifting conversations and cross examination comments are not allowed. They can cause difficulties. He also talks about how written communication is a great way, but to keep it to up lifting words.

Also the importance of your relationship with your son-in-law and how he is now the main man in her life, and it's important to keep the communication lines open and to not try and over step your bounds.

One of my favorite things he said in his book was that in the Hebrew language the word for sister is hardly ever found in the singular. This is because even if you only had one sister she was really like two sisters. The first sister before she got married, and the sister she would be after she got married. That really she becomes a different person.

My only complaint about this book is that it feels as if he is writing to a group of small children. He tends to repeat the same thing over again just in different words. I am sure he was just wanting to get his point across, but it kind of came across like he was speaking to children.

I would recommend this book.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Fits and Fights

*Note* Keep in mind that I wrote most of this last night. Then was needed by a screaming child! So then I finished it this morning.


It seems like that is what's going on in the house right now. Fits from everyone and Fights from everyone. Jadelyn seems to be feeling left out. Liliana seems to be feeling left out. Scarletta seems to be feeling left out. Rayvena...she just feels fussy. It seems like eveyone feels left out and the way they deal with that is having fits and fighting. They love each other and they love why are they throwing fits and fighting with each other? What happen to the polite little girls that eveyone talks about?

My favorite part of the day is meal time. Because it seems like there are almost no tantrums going on. It's a time when we sit down as a family and talk. We seems to have lots of great conversations and lots of funny sayings come out of my children's mouths. Such as today...I bought a frozen pasta meal...they were 2 for $3 so I thought why not! But as I made it I noticed it wouldn't feed all of us...then I also said to Darrel "I could have made this better myself." Meaning I could have made the same dish and it would have tasted better. Jadelyn after about 5 minutes says. "Mom. I really don't like this. Could you please just make it better? " Sometimes I just wish I could be in their heads and hear their thoughts!

I also love meal time because we spend some of our time reviewing our Bible verse and talking about what it means. Right now as a family we are memorizing John 1. I can just hear you all now...and yes you read right the whole chapter of John 1. Yesterday we started a new verse. Verse 16..."From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another." I just think about all the blessings in my life. I think about my four little blessings that came one right after another. Even though they have fits and fight with each other they give me such joy everyday. So I love our Bible times not only because we are reading Gods word and having fun with it...but because our girls ask such great questions. Why did Jesus come to Earth? Why did Jesus die for us? And even though a lot of the questions are the same...I don't mind answering them. Because what a great thing to share with my girls than the love of Jesus. The fact that he came to die was for us! He came to save us from our sins. That with out his sacrifice there would be no way for us to go to God. I think of how I would give my life for my girls. I would die before I let anything happen to them. Jesus died for us so that we wouldn't have to die. And I think about how easy it would be for him to get out of it. He could have easily come down off the cross. He could have given into Satan's temptations. WOW! I think of all the fits I throw...and Jesus just keeps saying to me...I'm here for you.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

My mind goes blank...

So I have these days when my mind just goes blank. I can't really think or put words together very well. Can't seem to get myself moving and get word done. My poor kids seem to run crazy on those days...and by the end of the day I feel so tired that I just want to cry. Today has been one of those days.

Now most of you may think that this is just due to the fact that I have just had a baby. I like to call it baby brains. And part of it could be that. But it seems I have had this problem since I was in high school, and this is what I think it is...

I didn't really take care of myself during high school. I was anorexic/bulimic for a lot of that time, worst was during my senior year. Not many people noticed...well maybe they did, but they never said anything. There were very few people who ever made comments. During this time I noticed my train of thoughts being very different. My head was very cloudy and it was hard for me to concentrate. Words were hard for me to put together. Then when I started recovering I noticed my head being less cloudy. Although I would still have my days of total cloudiness.

So that has been my day today. It wasn't sunny or partly was pure cloudiness. I have to say though one things I am so thankful for is a God who is much bigger than me and much bigger than my cloudiness. He gives me strength to get up and say "tomorrow is a new day!" I look forward to what tomorrow brings. His mercies are new every morning.

Oh on a very cute side note. My girls were so cute today. They kept coming up to me and giving me hugs and kisses...and Liliana would just stand there and look at me with her big blue eyes and then say "Mom I love you so much!" I wish you could hear how she says it cause it would just melt your heart. My girls are such a gift from God!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What FUN!

I have been having fun the last few days. I mean take away the whining, crying, fussing and poop all over the place and it's been fun!

I have been taking pictures of the kids which always makes me smile! Then I have been crocheting a blankie for Rayvena, and while I was doing that got this awesome idea. The blankie is just a bunch of flower type looking things, and as I was working on one I thought...This would make a cute headband! And it sure does!!!!! Just checkout my facebook pictures.

Now I am still working on them and seeing what I can do...but I might try to sell them. We will see.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

God has blessed me!

God has really blessed me with four beautiful girls. I have to say He has really out done Himself this time! Rayvena is for real the best baby! She eats like a champ and sleeps like and angel...not that angels actually sleep. My husband pointed that out to me! Clever one!

I think about what a blessing these girls are to me...and yet at times I feel so overwhelmed. I wonder why God would have trusted me with four kids. I think that I am not able to do this. I want so badly just to wrap these girls in love and give them all the attention they deserve, and yet I find myself so busy and overloaded that I feel they are getting the short end of the stick. Am I really cut out to be a mother?

I just keep thinking about the verse that says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. It's just that relying on Christ can be such a hard thing for me to do. I don't always believe that He gives me the strength. I doubt him way too much. At first I was ashamed to share these thoughts thinking people would think I was a bad Christian. But you know what...I am human. And if God can handle my doubt and help me focus more on you think other Christians can too? Maybe knowing that someone else has a hard time with trusting God will help someone else find strength.

Keep your eyes on Christ.

What is Anxiety?

To start off my blog a little definition on anxiety from


1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.
2. earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.
3. Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.

1. fear, foreboding; worry, disquiet. See apprehension.

1. certainty, serenity, tranquillity.

I think for most of us anxiety hits at some time or another. I look at my family and realize that it hits people in my family quite a bit, especially women. I hate to use this word because I think it's over used and when people don't want to take blame they call things generational curses. Then I thought about it a bit more and really if something was going to convince me that there are generational curses this anxiety would be it. This is something that can cause women in my family to not be able to do things that they would normally love to do. Worry fills their hearts and without really understanding why, they are helpless. I was talking to Darrel about my anxiety and what was helping. The more I pray about it and the more I read my Bible and see what God has to say about it the better I feel. I have to say though this hasn't been the easiest thing for me to do. When I am having a hard time my first response is not to go to God. Isn't that just crazy? Someone who has saved my life over and over again, and I just don't think He can help me. That is one of my big problems...Thinking I can do is all on my own. It takes effort for me to pray to God when I don't feel good, but boy when I take the effort to get on my knees the end result is amazing! I have peace that passes all understanding! I have a God who can do all things! Isn't He amazing?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Just Peace

I have been praying for peace a lot these past few weeks. Most of you could probably figure out why I am praying for peace, but to be honest I don't know if I am needing peace because of my kids. After having Rayvena I have felt a lot of anxiety. I really don't know why though. I think some of it must just be some hormones are really messed up stuff. I just keep praying and every time I pray I start to feel better. Then I stop praying and forget to spend time with the Lord and I just start all up again. Kind of shows you how much I need the Lord in my life! How much we all do...and how important prayer is to our lives.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Is my baby 2 months old??? And "My Raybena is coming tomorrow!"

I have been so blessed to hear how much people enjoy reading what I blog about my girls. I was especially touched by comments from an old high school friend. It just makes me want to write more! So thanks guys!

Well I am starting to wonder if my not so little Rayvena is actually two months old. I mean when I had her she was nearly the size of a two month old. The doctor sure couldn't stop talking about how she looked like a two month old! Well here I am at home with four girls and Rayvena being a newborn should be crying all the time. Getting up to feed at all hours of the night...and yet she sleeps! She is the best sleeper we have had! I hate to write any of this down because I feel I might jinx myself! YIKES!!! That would not be good. I actually have to be very honest about the birth of this one. I feel like she has helped me realize a lot of things. I don't want to go into too much detail yet, but connecting with my girls was always hard work for me. I can't quite explain it...but it was. Now I am starting to see why that was, and starting to really not feel so much stress about it. All I have to say is God is good.

So the second part of my blog is about Liliana, who lovingly calls her sister Raybena! So cute! The whole time I was pregnant Lili talked about her baby in her tummy. Today this was our conversation:

"Mama, my Raybena come tomorrow!"
"How exciting!"
"Yes! She is going to pop out my belly button!"
"YIKES! Isn't that going to hurt?"
"No it not hurt. She just pop out!"

So tomorrow we will welcome Liliana's Raybena into our home. I am not sure how this is going to go, and I am starting to think she will be very disappointed when her Raybena doesn't actually pop out of her belly button. I will try to update you all on this tomorrow!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Making home made products

All of you may think I am crazy for posting this right now. But I am blogging to let everyone know that I make a lot of homemade products and I am interested in selling them. I make things from cleaning supplies to beauty products to pasta! If you are interested in buying any of these items please leave a comment and I will get back to you with products I make and the price.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

What's in the name?

So many people have been asking what the name Rayvena means. To be honest with you the name really is one we came up with ourselves...but there is a story to it. And it really has two meanings to us.

First. As a family we have been memorizing John 1. So Darrel and I have been talking a lot with the girls about John the Baptist, and as Darrel would say...John just isn't a good name for a girl. Well John was really a messenger of hope. He brought this great news about the Savior and really paved the way for him to come...he baptized Jesus! Well we thought of a Raven. In one place I read "Soaring through the sky in graceful, rag-winged flight, the raven is a messenger heralding transformation and change." How neat is that? Anyway. So we took the name Raven, and for those of you who know us really well Raven just wouldn't do it. So we started looking for endings that sounded good. We ended up using Rayvena. So she is our messenger of HOPE. Rayvena Hope.

Now you may wonder why we spell it Rayvena. Well let me tell you the second part of it all. My dad's middle name is Ray and so far all of our girls have middle names that are family names. We really loved Hope as the middle name and it's not a family name at all. So we spelled Rayvena with a y so that it would have Ray in it and she would have my dad's middle name in her name.

Ok. Now that I have just thrilled the pants off of you or really confused you with my's time for me to take a quick nap! :)

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Rayvena Hope

So I just want to warn you that there may be parts of this you do not want to read. Especially if you are a man and don't want to hear about childbirth or you are about to have your first child. Don't worry though I won't be real graphic of anything.

I can't tell you how blessed I am to have four beautiful and healthy girls. I think back to when I had my first...almost 5 years ago now. I didn't want to have any more kids. Her delivery and first month of life were full of sickness and stress. I will never forget how sick I was during labor and then the pain of not being able to hold my newborn for three days because she had to be in an oxygen hood. Then just a week after we got her home from the NICU she had to go and spend another three days in the hospital. Both times they could never really tell us what was wrong, just that she was sick. Now you would never know she was so sick. She is the healthiest of all our kids! And here I am 4 1/2 years after her birth with four girls! So much for not having more!

My biggest baby to date coming in at a huge 9 pounds 11oz is our wonderful Rayvena Hope! Who would have ever thought? I didn't think I would ever have one over 9 pounds let alone one that is almost 10 pounds!!!

Labor started early in the morning for me. Although Jadelyn was the only other one I went into labor on my own with and I ended up going to the hospital three times before I actually was in active labor. So I was worried the same thing would happen, and being 45 mins away from the hospital I didn't want to have to drive there three times! So I was putting off calling them until I was really sure that I was in labor. Although I did have the thought that I might wait too long and have the baby at home or in the car...not a cool thing for me.

So I made it at a good time. It didn't really feel like I was in labor that long. I guess it would have been about 9 1/2 hours or so. The worst for me was the pushing. I pushed for 2 hours! This might not have been so bad if I had gotten an epidural. I have nothing against epidurals except my last epidural was horrible and the one birth I didn't have one for was great. I healed well and was up and about much faster. So I went into this one not wanting an epidural. I have never pushed for more than 30 mins with any of my babies so I never thought I would have to push for 2 hours. With Scarletta our 17 month old I pushed twice and she was out. 2 hours??? Really??? After finally getting her out I listen to the dr just be amazed at how huge my baby was. No wonder I had to push so long he kept saying that. Then he also mentioned that if it would have been my first baby I would have had a c-section. CRAZY!!!!

So now I am starting to wonder. Do I want to have more babies? Do I want to risk having a bigger baby and really needing to have a c-section. I know that it's to early to think about it all. Right now I just want to marvel at the 4 girls God has given us. What a blessing they are. What a wonder. Never did I think that I would be blessed with 4 wonderful and beautiful girls! Thank you God!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

It's gone by fast!

So I have about 2 weeks until my due date! I feel so ready for this baby and yet not ready at all. We still haven't really seattled on a name...although we are really leaning towards one. But then there is the whole problem with the middle name. So here I am thinking we are finally so close to a name and now I just realized we are so unsure of a middle name...GREAT! Good thing we usually stick with family names for the middle name...yet we are running out of family names for girls...not good! Maybe we will just start using the same ones over again! Ah the great pains of naming a child...only to have them grow up and hate the name you gave them, and swear that they will never name their child anything like that. don't take that as I hate my name. I love my name...I just think it's so common...and if you don't think it's common I think you might be crazy! And I think I might be crazy cause Darrel has talked me into naming our 5th child if it's a girl Sarah!!! What am I thinking??? But when I think about is such a family name. Both of our grandmothers are named Sarah and my great great grandmother is named Sarah. As long as I can find a good middle name that will keep us different I am cool with it. So now that I have a name for my 5th child I need to focus on my 4th childs name. So I am hoping the one we have talked about sticks and we don't change our minds in the next 2 or 3 weeks.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Liliana's 3!

Can it really be true? Can my little one be 3 already? I knew the day would come, but I just feel like it came so fast! I remember the day she was born so well...I am not sure if it's because it really wasn't that long ago or because I gave birth to her in China and so many funny things happened.

We had a great day on May 30th when we had her party. We just had family over and had a great time! I always love getting together with all of them and feel like we don't see everyone enough. Liliana really wanted a pony party and so we did have lots of pony stuff for her. I will put pictures up of her cake, because I have to say it's one of the best ones Darrel has ever made! She just loved having this day just for her!

On her actual birthday we went to the lake and had a picnic. They had a great time just playing in the one actually ventured into the water since it seemed to be so cold!

I just can't believe that all my girls are getting so big. For some reason I still see them all as babies...but they are all turning  into beautiful little girls!

Thursday, May 28, 2009


So I didn't really think anyone took the time to read my blog, but then I saw all these comments on my blog the other day and I felt so blessed! THANKS GUYS! You all rock!

So we are having quiet time in the house right now. Most days quiet time isn't all that quiet and I usually end up spending the whole time answering questions that Jadelyn has thought up during the day. Don't get me wrong, I love that my little ones are so curious and want to know about everything, but really I can only take so many questions. I can only answer so many of them since I don't really know the answer to them all. A lot of times I find myself telling her to ask her dad when he gets home. And she doesn't forget to ask him every single question that mom didn't answer. I guess one thing I am just so thankful for is that she has never gotten into the Why question stage...that would really drive me nuts! I actually have a few minutes. We had a great playdate today with some friends at the park and had a picnic with them. It was a great time. It's really awesome to have friends who have kids the same age as mine so that the girls have some playmates. I also enjoy the adult conversation! Sometimes I think I start to sound like a little kids because I just start talking like they do! It's funny!

Liliana's birthday party is coming up on Saturday! Crazy!!! She is going to be 3 on June 2nd! CAN IT REALLY BE??? I feel like I just had her...ok so really it feels like I just had all of them! But I am in a place where my kids just keep getting bigger and bigger and just realizing that there is nothing I can do about it! I can only pray that I am doing a good job and being a good example to them. Sometimes I find myself getting so frustrated with them and yelling at them. I thought to myself...I don't exept that kind of behavior from them, so why am I doing it? Not a very good example Sarah! Shame shame.

The new little one has a little over a month before she comes...I STILL DON'T HAVE A NAME! I think we have a few that we like...but still nothing that really is sticking with us! I know it will come, but I just feel stressed out about it! I feel very unprepared. But ready or or no name...the baby will come!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Am I failing?

I am glad that they don't give out grades for motherhood and housecleaning. I am not sure that I would get a very good grade. I try not to let these thoughts get into my head that I am doing a terrible job, but sometimes you just can't ignore them. Sometimes it's just so loud in my head. Mainly it's the days that my kids are going crazy and it seems like I get nothing done around the house. But I know the next day will be different. I just keep remembering that I can do this...not on my own of course...but I know that I can overcome these feelings. I think if I were to ask my kids they would say I am doing a great job! :) Maybe they would give me an A!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


So I have found a book, "Unchristian" that talks about a lot of what I have been wanting to find out. Trying to figure out what non-Christians think about us Christians. What I have thought is pretty true...we don't have the best reputation. Not all of it is the fault of Christians, some of it is the media and how they portray us. But I do think it's important to know what people think about us and how we can and should change our attitudes.

The book mainly talks about the age group of 16-29. There are twenty-four million in that group and out of that less than half a million have a positive outlook on evangelical Christians. Isn't that crazy?

The book says
"The primary reason outsiders feel hostile towards Christians, and especially conservative Christians, is not because of any specific theological perspective. What they react negatively to is our "swagger", how we go about things and the sense of self-importance we project. Outsiders say that Christians possess bark - and bite. Christians may not normally operate in attack mode, but it happens frequently enough that others have learned to watch their step around us. Outsiders feel they can't let Christians walk over them."

One person put it this way,
"Most people I meet assume that Christian means very conservative, entrenched in their thinking, antigay, antichoice, angry, violent, illogical, empire builders; they want to convert everyone, and they generally cannot live peacefully with anyone who doesn't believe what they believe."

So  I agree with a lot of this. A lot of us Christians do seem to have a "swagger". We find ourselves holier than everyone else and usually let people know it. We are pretty big headed and we are the only ones who don't seem to see it. I am not saying that every Christian is like this, but a lot are. I have run into a few who even make me feel like I am a terrible person. What is that saying when we even start making other Christians think badly of us? I don't want to start a big argument...I just think it's time that we start thinking about the image we put out there. Also there are some of these things that the media is really good at portraying for us. The fact that we have a certain moral standard seems to be a bad thing. I can love a person and be their friend without having to accept their lifestyle. It's a moral issue. I don't have to agree with everyone on their choice, but that doesn't make me intolerant. It just means I have a different moral standard than others. Anyway...that is not what my blog is about...

I hope that we can take some time to look in ourselves and think about our "swagger". Are we giving off the image of God? Or are we giving off a holier than though look? Just something to think about.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Names Names Names

Oh my! I have about two months left before our little one gets here. It seems like it has just flown by! Normally I am not this whole name thing and we usually have on picked out by this time...but here I am so stuck! I can't find a name that I like or one that seems to fit...or one that my husband doesn't say with a funny accent! Darrel wasn't really feeling any pressure about the whole name thing...but now he seems to be feeling it a little. My biggest fear is that I will have the baby and have no name for her! YIKES!

And it seems hard too because we have put ourselves in this name pattern without thinking about it. All the girls have two name first names. JadeLyn, LiliAna and Scarlet Letta. So Scarletta's may not be so obvious...but it still is. And then they all have L names. Lyn, Lili and Letta. we keep up with this? If so that really makes it a big harder! I am not sure that I can keep up with the whole thing. I know that when we get to the name it will just feel right!

I love one name that is Biblical...I don't really want to say it, but it's the lady in the Bible who drove a tent peg into someones head. I know that just sounds gross...but really it's a great story...and when I think about her she really knew what side she was on. She knew she was on God's side. I would be interested to know if any one knows the name.

Well here I go back to the name book!

Monday, May 4, 2009

What's going on???

Recently I have been asking a lot of people why they don't go to Church or what they think of Christians. I keep getting a generic answer of it's boring or I don't think I really need to. But something inside of me wonders if there is really something more to their answer that they just don't want to share. I do understand some of the comments to my last post, and one I wanted to address directly was the Church being the body of Christ. I do agree with you. The Church should be the body of Christ, but I believe that the Church in America has gotten very mixed up in a few things. And I don't think non-Christians really see it that way. I guess really I am trying to get into peoples head...but really interested in those who once claimed to be Christians and now are not walking with the Lord.

I also think about a song by a group name "Addison Road" called "What do I know of Holy." I first heard this song at a Mercy Me worship event with this group there and it really hit me hard. I started really thinking about how we get really mixed up in the motions and words and we act and talk like we know who God is, but really do we even have the slightest idea of who He is? A lot of times I think we try to explain God in so many ways, which only really end up putting God in a box. Really my thought is that we can't really know what God is like or figure out everything He can do or how he does it.  I know that we do know things about God and his character...but really as the song says...

I’ve made you promises a thousand times
I’ve tried to hear from heaven but I talk the whole time
I think I made you too small, I’ve never feared you at all
If you touched my face would I know you?
Looked into my eyes could I behold you?

What do I know of you who spoke me into motion
Where have I even stood but the shore along your ocean?
Are you fire, are you fury
Are you sacred, are you beautiful
What do I know? What do I know of holy?

I guess I thought that I had you figured out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How you were mighty to save
But those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who you might be
The slightest hint of you brought me down to my knees

If you have thoughts to add please do. I love hearing other views and it constantly helps me keep thinking about things.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Has the church hurt you?

I am wanting to know if the church has ever hurt you. It can be a specific church (Please don't share the name of the church) or just Christians in general. Feel free to share as much as you want.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


It's really unknown what to title this entry, cause I really don't know how to put into a short title a sum of all my thoughts. I just feel so tightly strung right now. Like at any moment I am going to break and blow up on someone. It's just frustrating when people think you have nothing else to do but do what they want you to do. They ask you to do something and then when you say no they take it personally and get upset with you. Sorry I have lots to do and other responsabilities besides you!

It's really times like this that I let myself get way too stressed out! And then the problem with that is I start to let things seep in that shouldn't even be around. I let my past start to come back and give me a hard time. I start to hear all of those negative things about me. I hear that I am worthless and not  beautiful. I hear that I am fat and way to overwieght. I start to wonder if I am doing a terrible job of parenting my girls and raising them to be women of God. I start to doubt everything I do. I have a great husband who tells me the opposite of all of this. A great husband who encourages me to keep up with what I am doing. That I am worth everything...but most of all he reminds me that I have a Saviour who thinks even greater things about me. One who loves me not matter what. He knows all my past and present mistakes and yet His love is unchanged. What did I do to deserve such a great Saviour? And I remind myself I did nothing to deserve His love. "It is by grace I have been saved thorough faith, not by works so that no man can boast." Ephs 2:8 & 9

I think of a song that I was taught when I was in high school and it made such an impact on my life. It's called Your Beloved and it meant so much to me:

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
'Cause even oceans and their waves bow at your feet, O Lord.

Lord, who am I
Compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I
Compared to Your majesty?

'Cause I'm your beloved,
Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You've called me, chosen
For Your kingdom.
Unashamed to call me your own-
I'm your beloved.

This song spoke to my heart so much about who I was to God, and really in the end he is the only one who matters! His opinion of me is the only one that should matter to me. What others think or thought of me should not bother me and should not ruin a perfectly good day. I hope that my thoughts made sense to some of you. Sometimes I am never sure if my thoughts make any sense.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Back in Iowa

It's strange to me that I am back in my hometown. It's so different from the big city but I am getting use to it. There are some things that I really like about small towns, and there are some things I can't stand...but it's the same with the big city. My favorite thing right now is watching people as they go by and just look at us wondering who has moved into town. They slow WAY down in their cars just to get a good look at what is going on. It is really nice though to live right next to the park. Really we can't get any closer to it and the girls love going over to the park to play everyday!

Life is just a little different here. You stop for everyone you know to talk about nothing really. You wave to people as you pass them in your car even though you have no idea who they are. You are interested in what everyone is doing and where they are going. Really everyone is just in you business. It will be interesting to see how things go from here!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I know I just posted...

But I really wanted to share this funny story with you. This morning my oldest was pretending to be pregnant. She said she had two babies a boy and a girl. The girls name was Jadelyn (Of course) and the boys name was Dr. Impertinence!!!! How does she even know that word?? She said he was going to grow up to be a dr!!!

The joy of singing...

There is nothing I really find more enjoyable then just taking time to sit and sing worship songs. I can remember from the time I was a little girl singing was always my favorite part of church. My favorite part of school. My favorite part of life. A lot of my life has been devoted to music, it was a passion that my mom taught me. Now I may not be the best singer or guitar player in the world, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I am taking the time to spend with God. I know some of you who read this may not understand my passion for worship, you may never have experienced worship like I have, but it's one of the most peaceful and fulfilling times of my life. And day after day I am seeing how it is effecting my girls. Last Sunday in church while I was leading worship my daughters were singing their hearts out. They were truly enjoying their time. Then this morning as I was practicing for worship my oldest came over to me and just started singing the song Enough with me. Sometimes I wonder if they really understand the songs or if they really understand worship. Other times I don't question it at all. They know who God is and they know what it means to worship. It's just something that really makes my heart sing.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

I am so tired

So I may be tired for all the obvious reasons. Taking care of 3 girls who are 4, 2, and 1...being pregnant with my 4th little girl....trying to pack everything up so we can leave on Monday...At the end of my day I just feel like I don't have anything left.

But more than feeling physically tired I am so emotionally and spiritually tired. I just don't know how to explain it all. Those are my days now, not really knowing how to explain my thoughts and feeling very well. It's like my brain is one big skillet of scrambled eggs. But don't worry they are the good kind of scrambled eggs with ham and cheese lots of salt and pepper. that I have attempted to be funny...

It's like these days all I can really manage to do is take care of what really needs to be taken care of. My family. Trying to hold a conversation about anything just makes my head hurt, gets me irritated and my poor husband has gotten my emotional outburst more than once. It's really not fair to him. But I just get to a point where I can't really think or get my thoughts together in a nice way so I just tend to blow. It's not like I am even blowing up for any good reason....I just can't handle conversations right now.

Honestly I can't wait until the packing is done, the long car trip to Iowa is over, and I am feeling a whole lot better. I just hope I can stay a bit chipper for the trip and make it fun for everyone....otherwise it's going to be a miserable trip with three cranky kids, one cranky pregnant mom and a dad who won't be able to keep everyone happy! Please pray for us! Maybe it would be best to pray especially for Darrel!

Thursday, March 26, 2009


So here we are....April 3rd will be Jadelyn's last day at her school. She has had such a great time there and they are so sad to see her go, and we are sad she won't be able to finish the year out. Here is the exciting news...April 6th we are leaving El Monte and heading to good old Armstrong, IA. How exciting. It will take some getting use to since we are use to always living in the big cities. It will probably be hardest for Darrel since he has never lived in a small town before! We are bless to have a place to ourselves and it has been offered to us for 6 months rent free!!!! We were also hoping to get a house which we signed papers for and still haven't closed on. We got an AMAZING deal on it and we really thought it was for us...but we are starting to think it was not what God wanted us to do!

Both of us had phone interviews with a company there and it went great. We will be going in person once we get into town. Pray pray pray!

We are sad to be leaving friends and family here and really hope that transitioning goes well for all of us!

Much love

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Most of you know that I am not a huge Obama fan. For those of you who didn't really know I am sure it doesn't come as a surprise. I wasn't really a huge McCain supporter either. Don't get me wrong I think it's great our country has come so far and we now have a black president. I think that's great...Honestly Alan Keyes was a better fit for me. Anyway...
He is here in Southern California and you can't help but over hear conversations and see the news and read the paper without hearing about the town hall meeting and all that is going on while he is here. To me Obama is a great speaker, he speaks well and he has a great ability to get people behind him and support him. My problem is that it seems he says what people want to hear and this I think is going to get him in trouble. I think it's funny that he acted like he didn't know about AIG's bonuses. Honestly I think that's something that they couldn't have missed, it's something they had to know. And I find it funny that I only heard about it once on TV that Washington actually knew about it. Interesting how the news works. Anyway this is probably one of those rambling that will get people on my case, but I know that many people don't think the way I do. That's ok...I'm use to it. But hey if you want to comment I am all for hearing what you think.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Time Change

So I would saw I kind of hate the whole time change thing. I would love to live in Arizona where they don't have it!! Anyway, but every morning I am so thankful for the time change. My kids have been sleeping "later". I mean to their bodies it's the sametime everyday, but to me and the time change it's almost an hour later! Ahhh how sweet!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Hair Bow give away...

There is this awesome site that has a really great give away right now. Head on over to and check it out.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's a GIRL!!!

You heard right everybody! The Usserys are about to add one more girl to the family!!! Do you think Darrel can handle another girl in his life??? He is going to be so out numbered.

At our first ultrasound we were somewhat lead to believe that the baby was a boy. How crazy!!! It was exciting to think about having a boy...something we know nothing about. But today I went for another ultrasound that my friend so lovingly provided for us! THANKS JEN! We were for sure we were having a boy...but it's a girl! I saw it with my own eyes!!!

Don't get me wrong I am so not disappointed I am just shocked! I was all geared and ready for a boy I guess you could say. In the beginning I wanted a girl. Four girls were just so exciting to I am so excited to have another girl!!! It also makes the bedroom arrangements so much easier. Two girls in each room!

We are also moving to Iowa very soon. I know some are not happy to hear we are leaving sunny California...while others are thinking...It's about time! Hopefully we will be packed and ready to go by the 1st part of April. We have been offered a home to live in rent free for 6 months while we wait for things to come together. Be in prayer for us as we get ready to go and we pray about our future.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Been a long time...

It's been awhile since I have written anything. Not because I haven't wanted to write, I just haven't had the time lately! The girls have been getting sickness after sickness and it's not fun! I hate having sick kids! Liliana had a terrible ear infection and very high fever. All of them were passing around the cold. Scarletta lost her voice and sounded so cute but so sad. Scarletta also got thresh. I am not sure if that is how you write it. So time to sterilize all her bottles and binkies!!!! On top of sick kids Darrel and I both have school and work at times. We do our classes when we can fit them in and Darrel goes to work when they need him and I work 3 days a week. Jadelyn also has daily homework from preschool...did I ever have homework in preschool? I don't think so...but Jadelyn loves it! We have had homework time with her since before she was two. She is this smart little girl who loves to learn and it's overwhelming to me at times. People talk about when their kids constantly ask why...Jadelyn doesn't ask why she just talks and talks and asks questions when she really wants to know something. Her biggest thing is asking what a word means when she doesn't know it. This is somewhat fun for me cause I like to throw in "big" words to see if she asks what they mean...she ALWAYS does! Liliana is mommy's girl and she gets sad every time I leave the house. It makes my heart break. I know I will see her soon, but she doesn't understand time yet she just knows I am leaving and wants to come with me! I love coming home to hear her scream "MOMMY MOMMY!" It makes my heart so happy.

I have been thinking a lot about our lives. A lot of people don't understand why we went to Asia and why we want to go back. So I think a part of me has been trying to make myself think maybe I don't want to go back, just so that people will understand me. It seems all my life I have never really been understood. I want so badly at times to fit in here and have people understand me...but really no one will ever get me. I will always feel like an outside. I will always feel like I should be somewhere else...and I think I should. God has put a huge call in my life...a huge love for a place that most of the people I know have never had the privilege of going to. It's hard cause I know that some people may see it as being unfair to my kids to keep taking them back and forth, but you could ask Jadelyn where we live and she would answer China. Although lately she says we won't go back until she likes spicy food. This is a call that people saw in my life way before I saw it. I felt a tug, but ignored it and people kept telling me...Sarah your going to be a missionary. I would deny it all the time...and here I am again feeling like I am doing the same thing. It so hard for me cause I really want two things. I really want to be in Asia and I really want people to understand me & fit in. But it seems I can't have both. All I can do now is pray...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Happy Birthday Scarletta Jayne!!!!

Today is my baby's 1st birthday! WOW! Can she already be a year old! At times she seems much younger to me, but today she was seeming much older! She brings such joy in my life and when I see her walking around the house with a purse on her arm it just makes me laugh. She is my little girly girl!

Today we are going to take the three girls to Chuck E. Cheeses, which we do on every birthday. Ok not my birthday, but the girls birthdays. It should be fun! Her birthday party will be on Saturday and I know she will never remember her party but I hope she has fun! We are doing a ladybug theme and I am so excited about it. I made little invites and sent them out. I hope everyone has fun.

Birthdays are such an exciting thing for me. It's the most important day of a persons life. And I am so glad we have so many birthdays to celebrate in our family!


Monday, February 9, 2009


Everyone seems to be so irritated by the mom who just gave birth to 8 beautiful babies. I started to wonder why do we care so much? Really it's none of our business, but yet we seem to think we are entitled to know all the details. But what I am really surprised at is how hurtful her mother is being. I understand if she doesn't want to help her daughter raise these 14 babies. That's her choice. But to go around and just tear down her daughter with such hurtful words. I just find it unbelievable. I also find it sad that at times we are sucked into the media and go along with the judging and the cruel talk. We have helped them paint this terrible picture of this woman and we don't even know who she is! She hasn't even been given a chance to say anything for herself. Maybe she is just a woman who loves kids and wanted to have a bunch of kids...does that mean there is something wrong with her? Does that mean she's sick? Maybe we just need to understand that it's none of our business and get on with our own lives instead of putting our noses in someone elses life. I wonder if Angelina Jolie were to have 14 kids, we would be talking about her the same way? I highly doubt it.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever reads my posts. But then I thought about it and it doesn't really matter. Really I just write them for me...but then on the other hand I really want people to read them. I blame my confusion on pregnancy...a little think I call baby brains.

I don't really know what I wanted to write about today. I don't really have anything on my mind. Just feel the need to write I guess. I just told my husband that I wanted to write a book. One that I think to myself no one would ever want to read. But a couple of years ago I had this really awesome dream...that I remember very vividly. But it's been my book idea. It's actually a great book idea. I know I am building you up to think that I am going to talk about what my dream was about...but I don't really want to give it away...just in case I ever to write the book. But know was one of the most exciting and adventure filled dreams I have ever had. That is probably one of the reasons I actually remember it so well!

I had a very exhausting day...and when I think about it I really haven't done ANYTHING! Went to church, sang and played my guitar, played with the girls, ate lunch, took a nap, then had the break down part of the day with the girls. I LOVE my girls. But on days when after 4 is just crying and whining time...I go a bit crazy! They always seem to have it all figured's like they plan it in their room before they get up in the morning. I see Jadelyn the oldest as the ring leader. "Ok guys. We all have to be in this together. 4 hits and we all just have a melt down. Maybe if we do this mommy and daddy with just do whatever we want them to." And to pretend that statement actually happened this morning...She would almost be right. I do want to cave in and sometimes I do. The girls go crazy and I let them watch a movie. They start crying and whining I give them a snack. But sometimes I see what I am doing and stop myself. I can't let them get away with this stuff! They are going to grow up spoiled brats if I let them have their way all the time. Today was ok...yesterday they had actually earned the movie they watched today. And I didn't break down and give them candy on demand. But I have to admit...I have my weak days. The days I am not proud of myself. But forget that...I am proud of myself today. I have to remember that I am a good mother...otherwise I kick myself all day long and all night long wondering what I am doing wrong. I am doing my best...loving my girls! Thank you to whoever read my post today! I appreciate it!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My kids...

So I just put my kids to bed and just really felt the need to blog about them. As I hear the two older ones messing around in their room & the younger one whimpering herself to sleep...they just make me smile.

I came home from school today to find my mother-in-law and my oldest Jadelyn sitting and reading the Encyclopedia! What is a four year old doing reading that? I sat and watched as she was showing Grammy where all the body parts where on the skeletal man. Now as in body parts I don't mean the hand the foot the head. She was showing her where the liver was, the heart, the lungs, small intestine and large. And she was telling her what each of them did. She has amazed me ever since she was little, but this was a little surprising. Grammy told me that they looked through the whole book pretty much and Jadelyn just asked questions. I remember these times when I am annoyed with her questions...what a great time to teach my kids all they want to know. Jadelyn never gives up...if you don't know the answer she just asks the question in a different way!

Liliana showed me on the picture where the pee pee is held. Sorry if that offends anyone! Her biggest accomplishment lately has been potty training. We put some big girl pants on her and off she went. No more pull ups or anyting...not ever at night! So wonderful! She is such a funny girl. She has these faces that she gives and they just make me laugh everytime...even when I shouldn't when she's in trouble! She has such a tender heart. The second you start to get after her she just breaks down. She hates to have people mad at her...I think she might be a people pleaser. Something I have had a hard time with in my life...hopefully I can teach her at a young age that you can't make everyone happy and every once in awhile someone is going to be upset with you...and that's OK! Liliana is my little singer and performer...and when she is done singing and we clap for her she bows and says thank you thank you. It makes me smile and laugh. YOu actually need to see her do it to really understand how funny it is!! I think I am going to have my hands full with her! She is a tease. She loves to sneak up and take things from people and run away laughing...she's not even 1 yet! Her favorite thing to do is what you tell her not to do...and she shakes her head as she does it. She is her daddy's girl. She LOVES being with him and doing everything with him and just sitting on his lap and hanging out. Oh my you should see her when he puts her down...she screams like her life is about to end. And now as she is sitting in her crib screaming at me...I actually better go get her and see what she needs!

I know that everything I just wrote might go under "bragging about your kids" which some people really don't like. But happy and excited with the things your kids do! Don't try to hide it or feel you need to not talk about it. If you are a mom or a dad reading this...or an aunt or uncle....grandma or grandpa...tell me something that your little kids do that is so sweet and special! I would love to hear about it! Be proud!

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus

So I have been reading this book by Brennan Manning for sometime now. I seem to read it over and over. I am not really a big book reader, but this book I just love. To me it really showed me how God really is and how much He loves. That it's not about anything I can do or say or's about who He is. He is love.

I think about how much I love my girls and what a joy they are to me. Everyday they do something that just makes my heart jump. They smile at me, and I know they love me. They don't need any reason to love me. They love me because I am their mom. And I don't need any reason to love them. They are my children. I think about I have always needed some reason for Him to love me. I've always thought if I could just do one more thing, maybe that would win His love. If only I would have been better this week and wouldn't have sinned so much He would love me more. I strive to be perfect in His eyes, but the truth is I am never going to be perfect. I can never win His love. He simply loves me because I am His child. He knows that I am a sinner, He knows that I am not perfect. And yet He has loved me this whole time regardless of all my faults.

Lately I have really been seeing God in a different way. Much different that I saw Him when I was a child or a teenager. He's no longer that angry God who I need to earn His love. He is love.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

What's the chance?

Today at church a lady gave a testimony. Last week she was talking about this lady who cut in front of her at the store and how she went off on this lady. She really thought this lady was wrong in what she did and she really let her know it!

She said this last week she felt like God was really talking to her and telling her she needed to apologise. That it wasn't about if the lady did something wrong or not it was about how she reacted and treated the lady. Was it the way God would have dealt with it. Not that we can be like God...we can't be perfect. But sometimes we need to put aside our emotions and show the love of Christ.

Anyway she told God...I will tell her I am sorry the next time I see her. So here we are...we live in LA what are the chances that she will see this lady ever again. But she did at her clinic. But she felt like it wasn't the right time. Then again she saw her...but she didn't think it was the right time. She thought ok next time for sure I will do it. All the time thinking in the back of her head that she would never see her again. But there she was. So she said "Hey I want to talk to you." But the lady didn't stop. She said "I want to say I am sorry." So the lady stopped. She said "I'm a Christian, which doesn't mean I am perfect, but I am forgiven. And I want to say I am sorry."

What a humbling story. I will think of this every time I have a bad attitude about someone in a store who wrongs me. Ok...even if I am not in the store!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Do you ever feel like me?

Do you ever feel like your life is falling apart? I know that sounds like my life must really be terrible...but it's really not. This last week or so has been hard for us. Having three sick girls and then being sick myself and then having a terrible headache (Headaches are not good when you have sick whining girls) and then being emotional and pregnant. Seems like a lot for me right now. I love everything about being pregnant. Maybe that is why I have been pregnant for half of our marriage. But when you get sick and your kids are sick it just feels like too much. I normally can handle being emotional...not sure Darrel always can. :)

But I was thinking today about how when I get to this point when I feel so overwhelmed...that's when I break down and get on my knees and cry out to God. But I started thinking today why don't I just cry out to God anyway when things aren't going wrong? Why do I always wait until things pile up on top of me? He always comes through for me in so many different ways, so why is it always my last resort? Seems like this is a habit I have had all my life and seems like a habit a lot of people have. We always wait to go to God until we think our life is falling apart. I wonder how much pain, heartache and trouble I could have avoided if I would have just gone to God in the first place. Probably a lot. I guess I will never know. But I want to make an effort to just go to God daily with my problems and everything else.

I have always loved Jeremiah 29:11. But lately I have been loving the two verses after that...

Jer 29:12-13
In those days when you pray, I will listen.
If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.

He's there for us. If we pray to Him, He will listen. If we look for Him we will find Him. What a great thing to know. Now I just need to practice that!

Monday, January 19, 2009


Is it true that we are only in a place for a time or for a season? Does God call us to do something just for a bit of time? My life seems so crazy to some and I agree that my life is a little crazy at times. We seem to have moved more in the last four years than I did the whole time I was growing up. But we have felt so called to one place...we have felt called to Asia, but yet it feels like we are never going to get back there. Is it that we aren't trying hard enough to get back? Is it that God has something different for us to do now? It's so hard to ignore the call we felt from him. If it is that God has something different for us to do I wish that we could understand it. I wish we knew what it was.

I ask that you guys pray for us that we really understand what God has for us. That we know what our next step really should be.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The weekend of sickenss!

One thing that get really frustrating is that one kids will get sick and then the next in a few days and then the next a few days after that. And then eventually one of us will get sick. Just happens to be me this time! GREAT! I hate being sick, and on top of that I will have some morning sickness with it. Not fun!

I am so lucky to have a great husband who let me sleep in today then got the girls dressed and took them to church so I could rest. I think I slept more today than I normally do at night. I guess that isn't really saying alot since I don't sleep a whole lot at night anyway. But today has been a good day of rest and football!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Psalms 127:3

Psa 127:3 Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.

After we found out we were having our third baby we had some people say a few things to us. Mostly they just asked if we were done having kids. Not a bad thing to ask people just want to no. We always said we were not sure. Which for us was the best answer we could give. But oh my now that we are having our 4th child the comments come even stronger. People say what they really meant to say before. People think we are pretty crazy and can't believe we would even think of having more than 3. Four kids we must just be crazy. People have asked everything from "Are you ok with this?" to "Do you know what your getting into?" and I also had someone at a doctors office ask me if I wanted to know what my options are! Are you for real people? The one that gets me the most is "Do you know what birth control is?" Just to let you know I've been on that....know what guessed it I got pregnant anyway! We made the choice a while ago just to put it in Gods hands. I believe that he will give us wisdom when we have gotten as far as we should go. To us Children are a blessing and really that's what God meant them to be. It seems we have gone to far in this direction that kids are a bother to our lives. That they make life more complicated. To me they make my life richer. To think that God has given me these little ones to love and teach and guide in the right direction. What a huge honor that is! I think what makes me most sad about all the comments is that they mainly come from Christians. The non-Christians are the ones who seem to be most excited for us. It all seems to backwards to me. I know that this may just seem like I am complaining. But really I just want it to be known that I love my children and to me everyone of them is a blessing!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Louder Than Before

A few months ago Darrel and I took two girls from the Church to Six Flags to see Jeremy Camp and Thousand Foot Crutch. What an amazing time. My heart was so excited to see how the girls really responded well to the message that Jeremy Camp gave. He was talking about his new album that was coming out called Speaking Louder Than Before. Say that alot of times people say that actions speak louder than words, but just think if you put words with those actions how much louder they would speak. It was such a great time. And I am now thinking about the songs on his new album and they have inspired me to be louder than before. So there is the name of my blog and the story behind it.

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