Thursday, March 5, 2009

Been a long time...

It's been awhile since I have written anything. Not because I haven't wanted to write, I just haven't had the time lately! The girls have been getting sickness after sickness and it's not fun! I hate having sick kids! Liliana had a terrible ear infection and very high fever. All of them were passing around the cold. Scarletta lost her voice and sounded so cute but so sad. Scarletta also got thresh. I am not sure if that is how you write it. So time to sterilize all her bottles and binkies!!!! On top of sick kids Darrel and I both have school and work at times. We do our classes when we can fit them in and Darrel goes to work when they need him and I work 3 days a week. Jadelyn also has daily homework from preschool...did I ever have homework in preschool? I don't think so...but Jadelyn loves it! We have had homework time with her since before she was two. She is this smart little girl who loves to learn and it's overwhelming to me at times. People talk about when their kids constantly ask why...Jadelyn doesn't ask why she just talks and talks and asks questions when she really wants to know something. Her biggest thing is asking what a word means when she doesn't know it. This is somewhat fun for me cause I like to throw in "big" words to see if she asks what they mean...she ALWAYS does! Liliana is mommy's girl and she gets sad every time I leave the house. It makes my heart break. I know I will see her soon, but she doesn't understand time yet she just knows I am leaving and wants to come with me! I love coming home to hear her scream "MOMMY MOMMY!" It makes my heart so happy.

I have been thinking a lot about our lives. A lot of people don't understand why we went to Asia and why we want to go back. So I think a part of me has been trying to make myself think maybe I don't want to go back, just so that people will understand me. It seems all my life I have never really been understood. I want so badly at times to fit in here and have people understand me...but really no one will ever get me. I will always feel like an outside. I will always feel like I should be somewhere else...and I think I should. God has put a huge call in my life...a huge love for a place that most of the people I know have never had the privilege of going to. It's hard cause I know that some people may see it as being unfair to my kids to keep taking them back and forth, but you could ask Jadelyn where we live and she would answer China. Although lately she says we won't go back until she likes spicy food. This is a call that people saw in my life way before I saw it. I felt a tug, but ignored it and people kept telling me...Sarah your going to be a missionary. I would deny it all the time...and here I am again feeling like I am doing the same thing. It so hard for me cause I really want two things. I really want to be in Asia and I really want people to understand me & fit in. But it seems I can't have both. All I can do now is pray...

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